How
many times have we spoken, “IT'S ME, NOT YOU” and honestly meant it?
Know... Be... Do...
Knowing is
Once I discovered "I am a spirit, I have a soul and I dwell in a body", my journey began with seeking the source of my spiritual existence. My daily exploration of getting to "know" God has been life changing and empowering. Despite the experiences (trauma, heart break, disappointments, fear, insecurities...) that have taken root in my soul or the weakness in my body, I am strengthened and propelled forward by the Spirit of God in me. I understand so much more about myself and am excited about future discoveries. There is nothing more liberating than discovering self! I may not get answers from God on all the whys to what happens in my life but I have learned that "God always pays for what He orders". My confidence and focus increases as I learn who I am in all of my difference/uniqueness, quirkiness,gifting and strong yet introverted personality. Knowing there is a purpose in the "craziness" of Me, allows me to exhale and just be.
Being creates direction:
There is an inner satisfaction and effortlessness in just "being" who you were created to "be". Being comes after knowing. I have accepted there is only one me and no one is a better version of me than Me. I don't need to desire to "be like" anyone else but I do need to surround myself with people who inspire me to "be the best me" I can be.
I used to be hard on myself and consider my inability to stay angry/hold grudges against those who hurt or did me wrong, a weakness. I don't mean, let it go in a few days...by the end of the week/few months, I mean in a few hours/by the next morning, most of my anger would be diminished. I now know that God gave me the gift to encourage others and help strengthen them. Bitterness (unresolved anger) and depression (anger turned inward) are huge deterrents of encouragement. It is difficult to stay positive and to see the best in people when there is a cloud of bitterness/depression over you. I also learned the valuable lesson that "the measure in which we judge others will be the measure in which we will be judged". We all have done wrong and need mercy extended to us so we must extend it to others. Don't get me wrong, we cannot be foolish in how we walk in forgiveness but we must all take that walk (forgiveness is about freeing self, not the other person). My Being and Gifts create opportunities for me to Do what I was created to for (teach, encourage/strengthen others to start the journey of purpose).
Purpose is manifested in Doing:
There has been a ton of things written/published.....preached/taught on a "purpose driven life" over the past ten years or so. For me, there has been no better driving force in my life than each level of discovery I have made on .....Knowing who God is and who He created me to be...Being each new depth of what/who that is..... Doing what is instinctive of all of that. The peace, joy, confidence and strength that accompany me through my challenges today are far better than what used to keep me company (fear, insecurity, doubt, pain, disappointment). Purpose driven by knowing is empowerment partnered with perseverance.
Knowing, Being, Doing is a process....a life-long process. Be patient with yourself but also P.R.E.S.S. (Pray for guidance, Resist the temptation to quit, Embrace who you are, Seek understanding, Stand confident in knowing)
30 Life Changing Statements that Shape My Life
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path" Psalms 119:105
There are many statements by Christ and revelations in the
Word of God that have impacted my life
but there are 30 that I have "hidden
in my heart", study and are shaping who I am. My shaping
(transformation) is ongoing and there has been new revelation throughout my
life on these scriptures.
Shaping/Transformation:
- clarifies my
faith walk
- guides me
in the development of my relationship with God and people
- inspires how
I view life, adversity, people
- influences how
I treat people (forgiveness, love, judgement)
- reveals the
"Kingdom of God" and the "Body of Christ"
- drives me
towards purpose
- speaks life,
hope, strength and peace to my soul
Each of these seeds have been planted in my soul and produced good fruit:
1. "...Without faith it is impossible to
please God...." (Hebrews 11:6)
2. "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light
on my path" (Psalm 119:105)
3. "Peace I leave with you...do not let your heart be troubled" (John 14:27)
4. “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper….” (Isaiah 54:17)
5. “Love is patient, love is kind..it is not proud..it does not dishonor others..” (1 Cor 13:4-8)
9. "You are the vine, we are the branch, apart from
you we can do nothing" (John 15:5)
10. " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...give you hope..." (Jer 29:11)
11. "... Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness...do not worry about tomorrow..." (Matt 6:33)
12. "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance.... (Gal 5:22-23)
13. ".....The testing of your faith produces perseverance..." (James 1:3)
14. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay...we are pressed on every side but not crushed.... (2 Cor 4:5-8)
15. "....He does not retain our sin…He delights in mercy...He casts our sin into the sea” (Micah 7:18-19)
16. "...things work together for good for those who love God...according to His purpose..." (Rom 8:28)
17. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not
unto your own understanding..." (Prov 3:5-6)
18. "...Live in harmony...if possible...do not seek revenge...Vengence is Mine..." (Rom 12:15-20)
19. "The Lord is the strength of my life...In the time of trouble, He shall hide me..." (Psalm 27)
20. "Submit yourself to God. Resist the devil and he shall flee." (James 4:7)
21. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him" (Job 13:15-16)
22. "I will lift my eyes unto the hills... He will not suffer my foot to be moved..." (Psalm 121)
23. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...He leads me in peace....." (Psalm 23)
24. "...When my enemies come in like a flood, He will
raise a standard against them..." (Isaiah 59:19)
25. " The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord...though he stumbles he will not fall.." (Psalm 37:23-24)
26. "Be strong in the Lord...put on the whole armor of God...praying always..." (Ephesians 6:10-18)
27. "You will know them by their fruit..." (Matt 7:16-20)
28. "You are the salt of the earth...you are the light of the world...let your light shine ..." (Matt 5:13-16)
29. "You have been saved by... Grace created for a purpose....prepared in advance..." (Ephesians 2:8-10)
30. "...Forgetting those things that are behind, I press toward the mark..." (Phil 3:13-14)
It never ceases to amaze me how the Word of God has become a
part of me (who would have
thought). It speaks to/leads me daily, season to
season, through each challenge and blessing.
Don’t get me wrong, life can be
hard and unnerving. :/ Peace and
assurance always seems to
rise up from what is hidden in my heart. Without
fail, one of the 30 scriptures above will
come to mind and illuminate my path. These gems help me to stay positive and try to see the
best in people but also prompts me to tell it like it is (in love). :)
best in people but also prompts me to tell it like it is (in love). :)
What illuminates your path?
Take a few minutes of reflection and write down what is hidden
in your
heart. You do not need to quote it
verbatim nor does it need to be all scripture.
Like
mine above, it could be a combination of several scripture
translations/quotes. I would love
for you to share what inspires and leads you.
for you to share what inspires and leads you.
This was a great way to start my new year.
Happy 2016 to you!!
"Tips on Parenting an Introverted Child"
- Know that there is nothing unusual or shameful about being an introvert
Introverts are hardly a minority. Numbers vary based on a study, but introverts make up 30-50 percent of the U.S. population. Some of our most successful leaders, entertainers, and entrepreneurs, such as Bill Gates, Emma Watson, Warren Buffett, Courteney Cox, Christina Aguilera, J.K. Rowling, Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa, and Mahatma Gandhi, have been introverts.
- Understand that your child’s temperament is due to biology
Think your child can just “get over” hating raucous birthday parties? Think again. Introverts’ and extroverts’ brains are “wired” differently, according to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child. She writes that children’s temperaments are innate (although parents play an important role in nurturing that temperament).
Introverts’ and extroverts’ brains use different neurotransmitter pathways, and introverts and extroverts use different “sides” of their nervous systems (introverts prefer the parasympathetic side, which is the “rest and digest” system as opposed to the sympathetic, which triggers the “fight, flight, or freeze” response). Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found that introverts have larger, thicker gray matter in their prefrontal cortices, which is the area of the brain associated with abstract thought and decision-making. If your child tends to be more cautious and reserved than her extroverted peers, rest assured that there’s a biological reason for it.
- Introduce your child to new people and situations slowly
Introverts often feel overwhelmed or anxious in new environments and around new people. If you’re attending a social event, don’t expect your child to jump into the action and chat with other children right away. If possible, arrive early so your child can get comfortable in that space and feel like other people are entering a space she already “owns.”
Another option is to have your child stand back from the action at a comfortable distance—perhaps near you, where she feels safe—and simply watch the event for a few minutes. Quietly observing will help her process things.
If arriving early or observing isn’t possible, discuss the event ahead of time with your child, talking about who will be there, what will likely happen, how she might feel, and what she could say to start a conversation.
If your child is nervous about starting a new school year, visit your child’s classroom, introduce her to her teacher, and find the bathroom, the lunchroom, and her locker before the hustle and bustle of the first day of classes.
No matter what new experience you’re getting him accustomed to, remember: go slowly, but don’t not go. “Don’t let him opt out, but do respect his limits, even when they seem extreme,” writes Susan Cain about introverted children. “Inch together toward the thing he’s wary of.”
- Remind your child that she can take breaks from socializing if she feels overwhelmed or tired
While extroverts feel energized by socializing, introverts can feel drained. If your child is older, she can excuse herself to a quieter part of the room or a different location such as the bathroom or outside. If she’s younger, she might not notice when she’s tapped out, so you’ll have to watch her for signs of fatigue.
- Praise your child when she takes a social risk
Let her know you admire what she did. Say something like, “Yesterday, I saw you talking to that new boy. I know that was hard for you, but I’m proud of what you did.”
- Point out when she ends up enjoying something she was initially afraid of
Say, “You thought you were going to have a miserable time at the birthday party, but you ended up making some new friends.” With positive reinforcement like this, over time, she’ll be more likely to be able to self-regulate her feelings of nervousness and dread.
- Help your child cultivate her passions
Your child may have intense—and maybe even unique—interests. Give her opportunities to pursue those interests, says Christine Fonseca, author of Quiet Kids: Help Your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World. Softball and Girl Scouts may work well for some children, but don’t forget to look off the beaten path and consider writing classes or science camps. Intense engagement in an activity can bring happiness, well-being, and confidence (think Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s state of flow), but it also gives your child opportunities to socialize with other children who have similar passions (and perhaps similar temperaments).
- Talk to your child’s teachers about her introversion
This will help your child’s teachers know how to interpret her behavior. Some teachers mistakenly assume that introverted children don’t speak up much in class because they’re disinterested or not paying attention.
On the contrary, introverted students can be quite attentive in class, but they often prefer to listen and observe rather than actively participate.
Also, if the teacher knows about your child’s introversion, the teacher may be able to gently help her navigate things like interactions with friends, participation in group work, or presenting in class.
- Teach your child to stand up for herself
Teach her to say stop or no in a loud voice when another child tries to take her toy from her. If she’s being bullied or treated unfairly at school, encourage her to speak up to an adult or the perpetrator. “It starts with teaching introverted children that their voice is important,” Fonseca says.
- Make sure your child feels “heard”
Listen to your child, and ask questions to draw her out. Many introverts—children and adults—struggle with feeling “heard” by others. Introverts “live internally, and they need someone to draw them out,” writes Dr. Laney in her book. “Without a parent who listens and reflects back to them, like an echo, what they are thinking, they can get lost in their own minds.”
- Be aware that your child might not ask for help
Introverts tend to internalize problems. Your child might not talk to you about a difficult situation she’s dealing with at school or with a friend although she wishes for and/or could benefit from some adult guidance. Again, ask questions and truly listen—but don’t pry or make your questions feel like an interrogation.
- Don’t label your child as “shy”
“Shy” is a word that carries a negative connotation. If your introverted child hears the word “shy” enough times, she may start to believe that her discomfort around people is a fixed trait, not a feeling she can learn to control. Furthermore, “shy” focuses on the inhibition she experiences, and it doesn’t help her understand the true source of her quietness—her introverted temperament.
- Don’t worry if your child only has one or two close friends
Introverts seek depth in relationships, not breadth. They prefer a small circle of friends and usually aren’t interested in being “popular.”
- Don’t take it personally when your child needs time alone
Anything that pulls your child out of her inner world—like going to school, socializing, or even navigating a new routine—will drain her. Don’t be hurt or think your child doesn’t enjoy being with the family when she spends time alone in her room, perhaps reading a book, playing on the computer, or playing an imagination game. Most likely, once she has recharged, she’ll want to spend time with the family again.
- Celebrate your child’s temperament
“Don’t just accept your child for who she is; treasure her for who she is,” writes Cain. “Introverted children are often kind, thoughtful, focused, and very interesting company, as long as they’re in settings that work for them.”
The Smoking Gums (Lethal Weapon)
Are you a serial killer, arson,
sniper or assassin....are you carrying a concealed deadly weapon? Harsh
question but pause a moment before you answer it. It may be time to
surrender/turn yourself in.
Will you choose life or death?:
"The tongue has the power of
life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit" - Proverbs 18:21
The indictment:
- Your words created death and destruction in someone's soul
- Your actions or lack thereof, produced death in someone else
Serial Killer
Look back along the path of your
life. How many bodies are buried along the side of the road? Death
means "separation". How many people in our life have had to
separate themselves from us because of the toxic/destructive spirit that is
attached to our words? How much has it cost....family, friends...romantic
relationships/spouses....jobs? Have you been told regularly that your
words are harsh/critical/bitter/rough? Is your common response, "I'm
just being honest or telling the truth...I don't sugar coat my words....you're
just too sensitive....you don't know how to receive correction or someone
telling you the truth....you need some tough love or thicker skin"? Is
it easier for you to criticize than to compliment or encourage?
Arson
Do you get a charge out of confusion
and chaos? Are you consistently in the middle of issues...the spark of
gossip or spreading half-truths? Do you always need to be in the know so
that you can "tell it"? Has anyone ever accused you of being a
troublemaker....starting fires/confusion.
Sniper
Are you a
master at being quick to cut someone down...tell them about themselves....setting
them straight? Do you have the reputation of being a straight shooter
with real bullets....telling the truth without love/laced in bitterness,
instead of blanks....telling the truth in love (stuns & enlightens) but does not maim/produce
death? We don't allow our heart close enough to see the damage we have caused. We stay undercover to protect ourselves. We walk away leaving our victims internally bleeding out from the gaping hole our words have left in them. Our children can be the biggest victim to our bullets.
Ninja Assassin
Are you skilled at
throwing "shurikens" of manipulation....master at planting seeds of doubt in the mind of others,
convincing them they are the problem and not you? Or passive aggressive....very
nice but calculating....vengeful....subtly aggressive
but deadly in what you say. People second guess themselves constantly in
their association with you.This is all familiar to me because I used to be the Sniper/Ninja Assassin as well as the body left on the side of the rode by a Serial Killer. I still have occasional flashbacks and am tempted to use my old deadly skills. Most of us who are gifted in the teaching/speaking category have to be careful because the wrong spirit or motives attached to our words will turn our gifts into a curse.
I was indicted and surrendered to face my trial and sentencing (consequences). I wanted to enter a plea of "guilty by reason of insanity" :) I am grateful to have the best lawyer around (the Holy Spirit) who reminded me that wasn't going to fly with the Judge (God) and the better option would be to repent and ask for the mercy of the court. I entered a guilty plea (repented) and received a reduced sentence of "time already served". The truth is we also suffer from our offenses. Our life becomes full of chaos and misery...the memories of each death will begin to haunt us (whether we realize it or not). I am glad I have a God who has resurrection power and was able to show me how to restore some of the dead relationships left along my path The reality is not all were able to be restored. Mercy may be extended to us if we repent but there are still consequences to our choices. We have to ask ourselves if speaking our mind is worth the possible consequences....we don't get to control our consequences.
Resource: Life & The Holy Spirit
The Engaging Introvert - The Daily Balance
My posts thus far have been my spiritual learnings and experiences...seed planting. Today I felt led to share more of "me" with you. I have avoided doing this for some time but I know that to authentically encourage others, I need to be transparent outside of my safety zone. Here is my first stab at it. Pray for a Sista! :)
There is a consistent misconception about me...the assumption I am an extrovert. I get it. I remember how shocked I was when I discovered I was an introvert, Once I thought about it, it explained some areas of confusion I had about myself. The reaction I get from people when I tell them I am an introvert is quite funny. Most people assume someone with my big/energized/assertive/outgoing personality traits would be an extrovert, not understanding that it is more about how I re-energize that places me in my introvert box. I DEFINITELY re-energize in quiet!
My day is typically full of engaging dialog. I love it...it is exciting! I am a student of human nature and love the exploration of understanding who people are and why people are. This requires quite a bit of personal interaction and conversation. For as long as I can remember, strangers, in a short span of conversation with me, would deep dive into sharing personal feeling and thoughts with me. I never looked at it as a problem because I am not really wired for extended casual conversations...don't get me wrong, I will engage on a casual level where necessary but not for any great length of time. My natural inclination to want to get to know a person and what makes them tic, prompts me to ask simple questions. I was taught that you learn by asking questions and then listening to the responses attentively.
Everyone is not comfortable with questions and react differently depending on their area of anx...fear, insecurity, trust, or their own level of introversion. As stated before, most of the people I meet open up and share themselves with me quickly. Quickly becoming transparent without obvious reasoning with someone you haven't known long can also be uncomfortable for some. I have experienced this in several new relationships. Time and consistent exposure to me helped to dispel those feelings in most but not all. Most who push through their feelings of fear and discomfort realize I can be a loyal (not perfect) friend and that I will guard their deep thing as if they were my own. I have encountered a few people in my lifetime who felt like I asked questioned because I was secretly collecting info to use against them. Those relationships didn't last long enough to show them they were mistaken. :/ That makes me sad because of my desire to connect with the people closest to me. Those in my inner circle get the privilege of seeing me exposed, vulnerable and transparent. But with that comes the responsibility of trust and protection (it is reciprocal).
Due to the nature of my job, problem solving accompanies my constant engagement with people throughout my day. God's gifts (encouragement, helps, teaching) along with my natural desire to understand people tend to leave me weighted down and empty at the end of the day. Encouraging people and listening to their challenges is something I can do with ease but there is a process of release and responsibility that comes with it. Hence, I can't wait to get home and hide from people and noise! A strong subtle desire overtakes me to run home to peace and quiet to refuel and unload everyone's stuff I have collected. It is not always easy to do when you have other responsibilities. Those who do not learn how to unload and refuel will eventually crash and burn as I did in 2010 (another story for a later post). I was forced to learn to balance my plate after my mind snapped from the long-term extra weight.
For me, the balance of family, parenting, relationships, ministry and personal time requires deliberate focus and time to figure out because if neglected, it can become damaging to me and everything attached to me.
I am blessed to have a son who is also an introvert, although a more traditional manifestation of it. It took me a little time to discover the rhythm for our relationship but being a fellow introvert helped me to understand with more ease what makes him tic/motivates him/communicates love to him. We have our best time together on the weekends watching his favorite TV shows or simple talks about life and super heroes. :) It is natural for us to be able to enjoy each other's slow quiet space at the end of the week without much going on. It took Dad, who is a traditional extrovert, a little longer to understand his need for simple, quiet, separated space.
Having a romantic relationship with an extrovert can sometimes be challenging. Unless a balance can be struck between quiet/noise and busy/relaxation,each person runs the risk of feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled The busyness of life can also impact each person's ability to maintain balance in the relationship. Something as simple as needing the TV on or off while falling asleep....the need for conversation or an hour of no conversation at the end of a work day will also impact the introvert/extrovert relationship. In every type of relationship, each person has to be deliberate in their awareness/understanding of the other person and than be willing to do the work to apply that knowledge.
Balancing ministry (spiritual growth of self & others), especially leadership in ministry is truly deserving of a separate post of its own! It is possible to do too much of the right thing for the right reasons. My motivation, desires and giftings were all pointed in the right direction when I crashed and burned in 2010 but there was no balance. I was running on all cylinders in every area of my life and I ignored the smoke and loud grinding noises of my brain because I wanted to help people and be used by God. When the challenges of life hit me and the demands of leadership in a large ministry collided, I had very little space for downtime or quiet. In the christian community, you don't hear many messages on burnout/depression/suicide by ministry leaders, preachers or pastors so I thought I was doing something wrong and there was some deficiency in me. I would hear constantly, just trust God. Especially since the motto I served under each week in ministry stated that "I would not let the challenges of life effect my service to God's people. I was left feeling abandoned by and a failure at serving God's people, who I loved. God always has a plan and a purpose for what He allows us to go through. :) You are experiencing purpose with me in this blog.
Even with all of my life lessons born out of my season of rest/quiet (during my "crash"), it is still a tricky balancing act. I have to fight to make sure that in all of my "Soil Work" in this "Garden" and in my everyday engagements that I take time to at the end of each day to refuel/unload in my quiet time. Making sure I leave all of the weights and the problems I collect throughout the day at God's feet and pick up/restock my spiritual tool belt with His peace...His encouragement....His Word of guidance for my life. I am learning more everyday to guard my peace and quiet time with all diligence.
Resource: Life & The Holy Spirit